|mmm... cake... ...*sigh*|
It's nice to have a low-stakes environment in which to practice... I don't know what I'm practicing. Not getting to have everything I want, I guess. This happens all the time in real life, but the Lent thing is under my control: I'm avoiding a food category I really like but which is bad for me (in moderation, you say? My inner cookie monster knows not moderation.) - it's my choice to give up sweets, and it's only for a clearly defined period of time.
I'm steeling myself for my mind and body to mess with me. There will be cravings. I will be desperate for a cookie when what I really want is a nap or a day off or a boyfriend (cookies are easier to get, and more convenient). I will rationalize that this is a dumb thing to do when I've got so many other things on my mind, that I need my mental energy and self-discipline for my career, and that I'm not a very religious person anyway so why bother... and other things that I won't recognize as mental chatter until after the fact.
There's a lot of mental chatter when I play, too, and tuning it out is a skill that is as important to my playing as any scale or etude. I've gotten better at it, so maybe that's why I'm sort of excited to see how I do this year. Last year was a miserable failure on the Lenten discipline front, but last year I was going through a break-up. I kinda had to cut myself a little slack when a kid I played for gave me two zip-locs full of homemade rugelach two weeks before Easter.
Speaking of self-forgiveness, I've already (!) screwed up this year, when last night I took a shot to celebrate the birthday of one of the singers. I wasn't tempted, I just forgot, until I was sucking on the sugary lemon after the shot. Oops.
It's gonna be a long six weeks!