On-the-Job Training

On-the-job training: I am learning songs that are similar in style to the ones in the show I'm music directing right now.  Most recently: "Kate" (rhythmically tricky - you really gotta know where the downbeat is) and "Song for the Dumped" (flag for follow-up on the piano solo) by Ben Folds; today "Take it to the Limit" by the Eagles.  

Transcribing a lot this week: the score for the show, two songs for a cabaret show next week, a musical number for another group I work with.  I'm pretty swamped, but I'm trying to keep my chin up by reminding myself I'm getting to chip away at my Mad Skillz to-do list: become a Finale speed demon, do some transcribing/arranging, play some rock & roll with people for people.  Yay!  Sleep is for babies and people with no ambition.
The chatter in my head tonight is pretty negative. I have so much new stuff going on right now - exciting, mostly, but the Doubts hate new stuff and they've been screaming at me all week.  You don't know what you're doing!  You can't even figure out how to use your damn phone!  As a freelancer, I am constantly starting new jobs, and filling out paperwork is one of the lesser-known glamorous parts of being a musician.  My favorite are the emergency contact forms.  These are extra fun when you're single.

It is hard being alone.  But it's hard being with someone, too.  The lyric from today's song: "you can spend all your time makin' money/you can spend all your love makin' time" - the first line, yeah, everybody gets that.  But the second line really hit me this time, in a way it didn't hit me the last time I heard it, pre-seismic breakup.  I don't want to make time for anyone else right now.  I want to learn my freaking songs, and focus on my career.  I'm making that choice right now, and it's fine except for the nagging feeling that by doing so I'm dooming myself to growing old with no one but seventeen cats and my own crazy mind.

I can have cats in this apartment.  That's good.

The Doubts are not allowed to have the last word, so I will close by saying that the work I'm doing now would be impossible without my song project.